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Bounce and Spring

Happy Spring! (ok, well kind of…). The weather isn’t sure what it’s doing at the moment and I can feel my body trying to fight off the dreaded lurgy just as we break off for half term. I mean, sod’s law will have it that on the stroke of midnight on Good Friday, I will feel less than good, but I’ll get on that and bust out all the weapons of my immune system and eat a kilo of honey and hope for the best.  

So, for good news. I spoke to my consultant who, with some pressing and reasoning, have been put forward for a Lemtrada pre-assessment. Now, I don’t want to get too pumped up about this because the results may actually show it’s not the right thing for me, but after speaking to a friend and reading some forums around this treatment, I really want to get on it.  

Lemtrada is an infusion taken in two doses; your first lot, over five days and the second lot over three days a year later. It kicks out parts of your immune system and forces it to reboot, so hopefully when it does, it won’t be attacking itself and therefore you’ll be relapse-free. From what I understand, it can halt MS. Research-wise, it’s a new treatment, so we don’t know how long it can halt for, but it has potential to do so for a good amount of time. Right now, I’m counting my blessings because if I have relapsed over the last year and a bit, it hasn’t been disabling nor has it been as severe as my previous relapses. 

I’m nervous about treatment if I do go through with it but I feel that really, I have to take this risk for my long-term wellbeing and yes, it is going to really suck for a time after when I’m not feeling so good. But, with loads of mental preparation and ways to keep myself busy, I think I can do this. I’ve almost been mentally training myself for something like this for a while and I feel I’m getting better at savouring and appreciating things in the moment. Being able to hold onto things and find that beauty, is such a gift and really for me it’s about loving what’s there while it’s there and when things are tough, remembering that things can be beautiful and happy and kind after you cross over the bridge. Call me sentimental, but it’s a hard life for all of us in different ways and what it’s about for me is remembering those reasons that life is worth living and why life can be good during those moments of hardship to pull you through. We all have our dark spaces and hiding places that we can retreat to when we feel beaten up by our circumstances, but by working on those foundations of happiness and appreciation for what’s around us, you can really fight through anything. 

I’m working hard to remember how life is so beautiful and life can be so good and actually, we can all help each other see that too.

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